Being vulnerable with another human being takes tremendous courage. Vulnerability is the act of giving someone else information that they can use against you to hurt you. For something to feel truly, authentically vulnerable, the information shared can cause the sharer to feel shame if it's not well received.
So, if you've been given this blog post to read, then someone wants to share that they're autistic (or maybe they already have and still thought you needed to read this) and you've just been given two gifts!
The gift of someone trusting you with this information, someone choosing to be beautifully vulnerable with you, risks and all and secondly, the gift of you being able to prove that you're worthy of this trust, that you're a considerate, empathic and kind human.
I bet you have a good understanding of racism and what it is and why it's a problem. I also bet you have a good understanding of sexism and why it's a problem. Both racism and sexism work off a premise that some people are lesser than others and should, therefore, be treated as such. Synonyms for racism and sexism are prejudice, discrimination, antagonism, intolerance, stereotyping. Racism targets a particular racial or ethic group, whereas sexism targets a specific (perceived) gender, typically women. There are still plenty of sexist and racist people in the world but it's largely understood and accepted that racism and sexism isn't cool and shouldn't be tolerated. Much like homophobia where people are being targeted and discriminated against based on being non-heterosexuals. Also still understood to be an unacceptable way of behaving.
Chances are, that if someone chooses to tell you that they're autistic, they believe you to be a good person - and I bet you're not a racist, sexist or homophobic, at least not intentionally.
However, there's another form of discrimination that's very common in our society, which isn't getting a lot of attention and which hasn't been largely agreed upon as morally wrong - ableism.
Ableism is discrimination and prejudice against those with a physical or mental disability. Ableism see those classified as disabled as 'lesser than' and inferior to those who aren't classified as disabled.
This might look like pitying someone in a wheelchair and believing that a worthy life is one where they're freed from their wheelchair use (as seen in the musical Wicked).
And one of the biggest hurdles autistic people face when telling others that they're autistic is ableism - even from kind and considerate people.
Now, I'm not here to bash anyone over the head for being ableist. I very much believe in a compassionate approach. Research has shown that the best way to turn a racist into an anti-racist is through understanding and not through aggressive attacks on their character and beliefs. No one learns by having their back push up against a wall (literally or metaphorically). However, it's hard to not get your back up if you're the one facing discrimination and become angry towards the discriminator.
All of us are flawed. All of us hold beliefs that are politically incorrect in one way or another. That's why the term 'internalised' was coined, such as 'internalised racism' or 'internalised homophobia' or 'internalised sexism' to indicate that even if we're actively anti-racists, anti-sexists or anti-homophobia, we can still hold on to some discriminatory beliefs due to societal brainwashing or just sheer ignorance (and here, ignorance isn't meant to be an insult - you just don't know and can't know what you don't know. But it is my belief that it's our job to educate ourselves to be better knowing and kinder humans towards each other - in all arenas).
For another big hurdle autistic people face, especially when they find out later in life that they're autistic, is their internalised ableism and gaslighting themselves into dismissing their own needs, thoughts and feelings.
But before I bore you to death with a long essay on ableism and moral correctness, here's a list of very common things people say (but really shouldn't) when a late-diagnosed, high-masking autistic adults share that they're autistic:
If you realised that you've either said one or two of those things or that you might have if you got the chance know that you're not alone - but also know that it's all ableist.
Try and swap autism for black or gay and see what happens...
Autism has had a really bad PR team....