Here we go again - is your social media feed full of suggestions (directly or indirectly) that a new year should also mean a new you!
What an amazing way to start the new year - by being told or buying into the idea that you're not good enough as you are (sarcasm might occur)!
I gave up on the idea of 'new year - new me' as well as new year resolutions a long time ago.
Of course it's fine to have goals and for feeling motivated to spring into action after a few week's off (if you're lucky) and feeling like a fresh start lies ahead. Do whatever feels good! But just notice if it actually feels good... Or does it feel like it's more 'new year - same inner critic telling you that you're not good enough and should change' ?
In 2021 I came up with the idea of creating a theme for my year ahead.
In 2021 it was 'follow the joy'. Whenever a decision was ahead of me, I'd ponder if it'd bring me joy and depending on my reaction, I'd either do it or not. Socialise during lockdown - hard no! Signing up for a course in coaching supervision - hell yeah! Going for my daily walk - sometimes yes, sometimes no. It worked a charm!
In 2022 I'd left Scotland and moved back to Denmark after 18 years abroad! A fresh start - for better and worse and I made my theme 'connections'.
It was time to find new friends in Denmark and to recreate my network in a 'new' country. I've never met up with so many people as I did in 2022! It helped me expand my social circle, build a professional network and it sure taught me A LOT about my brain and limits!
2023's theme picked me, more than I picked it!
Rest.
It was time to 'catch up' on myself.
Like most people in this world, my life had been go-go-go since I started pre-school. After finishing school, I went to college, and after that, I did an additional year at business school, all while working part-time since I was 15. Then I got a full-time job, and I started travelling a fair bit, but all while temping on the side to finance my travels. I returned to full-time study in 2009 and carried on studying while also being in employment. In 2018 I set up my private practice - with its steep learning curve, while doing my masters and a coaching diploma.
When COVID-19 hit and lockdown followed, I pivoted my business to work online while also doing a coaching supervision diploma and like most other people I just kept going, trying my best to keep my head above water while the world was ablaze with uncertainty.
And as lockdown eased, I moved to Denmark, leaving an established life behind in Scotland - my home for 12 years and I went straight into my 'connection' phase.
To say I was tired once we reached 2023 would be an understatement and I hit burnout, hence the theme rest - a very privileged theme, by the way. I carried on working but I was in charge of how often and how much being in a position to rely on others for financial support.
Like I wrote earlier, most people live a go-go-go life once they start pre-school and don't have the opportunity to practice rest until retirement (whenever that might be possible), so I feel immensely grateful for 2023 (even if I don't remember most of it as it happened in an exhausted daze!)
I entered 2024 with a desire for 'abundance' - in my head, I'd imagined this abundance was going to show on my bank balance but it turned out to show everywhere else. That's the thing about these themes - sometimes they end up being the teacher.
So, here I am, slothing into 2025 and this year's theme is clear as day - again, it picked me rather than me picking it.
2025 will be Year of the Body.
I don't quite know what it means - that's part of it. But I also know that I've started feeling chronic pain, reducing my body to a thinking shell and ignoring physical needs.
I've signed up for near daily yoga classes and I've made some relationship decisions that'll reduce my daily stress.
I'm committed to becoming better at identifying triggers and be active rather than reactive in the face of them.
And again, with this theme, it's versatile. I can't predict the future; I don't know what the world is going to throw my way this year but regardless, I can keep honouring my body.
If I was doing the classic thing of having goals and my goal was to travel more, I might be prevented by world events. If my goal was to be happy, a bereavement might prevent that. If my goal was to maximise my income, socio-economic and political issues might stand in my way.
Leaning into the wisdom of my body, there's also something stirring in me about intellectualising - something autistic people are told that they do perhaps too much. Intellectualising is considering a coping mechanism and it's let to autistic people being 'fired' by therapists because they already 'know everything' (having all the self-awareness you're supposed to develop in therapy) so the therapist felt unable to help. And there is something about autistic people becoming better at recognising their feelings rather than relying on logic but also connecting deeper with their bodies to grown, learn and heal.
HOWEVER, I'm currently pondering this rhetoric (which I've been buying into for years with confidence) and wondering if there's something there to question... something about this dismissal of intellectualising and autism is not sitting right with me just now... (stay tuned!).
I came across a reel of someone suggesting doing a 2025 bingo instead of resolutions and I liked the idea a lot. Write down various things you want to do in 2025 (go to a gig, enjoy an ice cream by the sea, visit a new city...). Not only is it experience-based resolutions, it's also a fun game and if you keep doing it year after year, you'll end up with a cool diary-style, snap-shot of your past years.
However, as I sat down to do it, I became aware of how many of my bingo goals were based on achieving something rather than enjoying something and it bugged me.
I'm working on an idea - a book, a concept, an internal compass - I call 'internalised capitalism' and the harm of capitalism on the human mind, especially the neurodivergent mind but also the helplessness of this realisation because what am I supposed to do about it? And I started seeing the similarities between capitalism and being part of a cult - a neurotypical (or, as I prefer, neuro-conformist) cult.
As much as I write I was in burnout in 2023 and 2024 due to my incredibly lucky and privileged circumstances I was able to keep on working a little as I love my job and it often fuels me rather than depleting me, I was able to relax frequently and just leave work behind and go for walks, or lie about or dig around in the garden whenever the weather allowed. I spend A LOT of time doing nothing. And it was glorious for my brain and my recovery. It's an unbelievable gift many can't be given. But as I look back on those two years because I have few memories of 'doing' much, they feel wasted and I feel bad for 'wasting' my life. I look back and feel a sense of boredom. And it irks me that I'm so brainwashed into thinking that enjoying each day, without 'achieving' anything, without being able to show the world some sort of product, that I've wasted my time and thus my life.
Existentialists argue that humans need a sense of purpose and meaning to live satisfying lives - and though I've allowed myself to relax for two years, it doesn't feel entirely relaxing because 1) I've struggled so much with the guilt of not being more productive and 2) I've needed to cut down on external stimuli to such a degree that it's cost me friendships and connections and meaningful moments. I needed those two years of rest but I'm also now needing to feel like I belong. But as luck (when opportunity meets hard work) will have it, since launching this website only a few months ago, I'm already beginning to feel like I belong and feel connected because of the autistic/neurodivergent community I'm slowly building, having connected with such amazing people along the way already.
Talking about capitalism - yes, I need to earn money and I earn money off other people's dissatisfaction which is a bit of a dichotomy for me to sit with (I had a massage recently and it was so painful and my massage therapist laughed and said "You're paying me to hurt you" and I laughed and said "I'm a psychotherapist - people pay me to make them cry!").
For this very reason, a big part of my 2025 business plan is to find funding so that those who have the money and thrive off capitalism can pay to cover the expenses for those who have less (and perhaps are suffering under capitalims). To make capitalism work for my socialist heart, if you will (a bit of Robin Hood syndrom perhaps... did I just make up that? I'm not sure. Can't be bothered Googling it. Would rather sit and pretend I just came up with the concept of 'Robin Hood syndrome').
I hope my meandering thoughts might spark something in you that's helpful or interesting.
I still have a bit more time left of my winter break but if you're keen on booking a session or having a free intro chat with me once I'm back you can do so here: https://calendly.com/connect-neurostorycollective/session-with-teri
Happy new year wishes,
Teri
P.s. I'm dyslexic and spelling and grammar mistakes will occur! I hope you can embrace them as they're part of my neurodivergence and they are some of the parts of me I no longer wish to hide and mask away <3